Un-Random Acts of Kindness
I don’t want to come across as critical of other Christians as they do their best to serve God. So, as I write this, it’s not in a cynical “this-is-wrong-for-everyone” kind of a tone. It’s in a “this-seems-not-ideal-to-me” vein. I’m not judging others as much as I’m figuring out what I should do and be…
So, I got an email this morning from Christianity Today, summarizing some new content that is available on their website. One of the headlines was “Winning Them With Kindness.” Right away, I reacted against that headline because there’s something about the phrase “winning them” or “winning souls” that sounds like our Christian lifestyle is some eBay auction where it’s all a sort of compulsive game to convince people to “trust Jesus”. Yuck! If I was not a Christian, I wouldn’t want to be treated like some deer-hoof lamp, or an old Coca-Cola poster that consumes my attention during the auction, but when it’s actually “won” it becomes totally uninteresting, so I move on to the next thing. That’s kind of how it seems like we view our role with pre-christians, and it seems awfully offensive in a way.
So, I began to read the article and found out really quickly that it is about how a christian couple has started a website, www.raoked.com, that helps people share ideas for performing random acts of kindness. They’ve kind of summerized the event of getting blessed by a Random Acts Of Kindness into this concise verb “RAOKed”. Like, “you’ve been raoked.” Sorta like “you’ve been saved.” Hmmm…
Again, I don’t want to throw over anyone who is answering a call from God, so I’m not saying that raoking is some bad idea, or just some placebo for real christian acts. But I am saying that, as for me and my body, I will choose to do un-random acts of kindness (uraoks) over raoks any day of the week.
I mean, it seems like an act of kindness is better if it’s wrapped in a warm relationship that is on purpose, not random. Doesn’t someone on the receiving-end of a uraok get the benefit of feeling cared-for by someone who knows them, cares for them and plans to serve them? To me, “random” means it’s out of the blue and sort of hit-and-run. I realize that scripture says “Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them … ” But, it seems like the emphasis from this passage is to warn against the appearance of caring for people just to appear righteous. It’s not saying that kindness should be all be spontaneous and anonymous. It seems like there is a lot of good spiritual real estate between showing-off with kindness and doing some righteous ding-dong-ditch raoking. What about “let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Seems like that’s not that random, really.
So, I’m thinking that raoking feels a little off, like that “winning them” thing. Too much about getting it done, and moving on. Not enough about taking time and allowing relationships and circumstances to motivate us to be kind to people.
Now, I’m going to go do some Random Act Of Snacking. RAOSing…that’s something I can get behind!
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I like the idea of the “real estate” separating the two. I for one have had a lot of fun with some roaks taken out on Christian friends. I like roaks for serving my community…not so much as evangelistic trickery.
I have nothing against “random acts of kindness”; in fact, I love being on both the giving and receiving end of them. But the motivation behind the RAOK and the mode of delivering it make all the difference in the world. Case in point… (and I keep bringing up this “Faith in Action” thing… sorry! it just taught me so many lessons) when our FIA team was planning this huge thing for Sept. 30, we started by using the handbook that came with the pastor’s kit. And even though the whole thing was an awesome idea, the promotional tools and some of the ideas that came in the box sort of made me want to throw up a little. But as a former marketing person, I at first planned to follow their step-by-step guidebook, with the press releases and banner on the front lawn proclaiming us a “Faith in Action Church” and door hangers and the whole bit. Then one of the skeptical 20-somethings on our FIA team said a few frustrated, impassioned words that made me rethink everything: He said something like, “We have to treat these people like Jesus would. He would make them feel important and valued… not like a program or a charity case.” So we ditched the external promo materials… the banners telling the neighborhood how great we were… and anything that might make those we were serving feel like they were some Christian’s way of scoring brownie points with God. We scrapped the stuff that just felt wrong because it was not in the best interest of helping people experience the love of Jesus, and we reframed Faith in Action as a way to start a love relationship with our community. That changed everything.
This reminds me of a church I went to where in Sunday School (maybe 6th grade) we were asked how many people we saved (led to the Lord) in our lives. We each went around in a circle and shared the number. I said six-hundred and sixty six people just to tick them off. No, I’m kidding. I don’t remember what I said. But I do remember to this day that even at a young age I had a problem with that. That “winning” factor. They could have asked me to keep track of all the nice things I’ve done for people so I can make sure they pay me back someday too- who cares?? So from then on, I actually did try to tell more people about Jesus (and also tell them they were going to Hell if they didn’t let Him in their heart) so I didn’t look like such a heathen at church. It wasn’t till high school that I really realized that odd feeling I felt when thinking that way WASN’T in the Lord’s plan. Forget numbers and trash the alterior motives. I’m still working on the motives thing. I think we all are.
I’m not sure your idea of acts of kindness would be outside the argument of the article. I think that ROAKs are more random for the person receiving them than the person “performing” them. In neither situation is the person being blessed having the expectation of the act. I can work for years, or seconds, on an act and it still be random. If we never expect such acts from the people in our lives, but still know the act is performed in love, thought & warmth, it is still random. We, as humans, can never truly be random. Our minds get in the way and think “oh, we haven’t done or chosen x, y, or z in a while, to be random I have to choose one of those next.” But if something is truly random, every possibility has the same chance of occurring as the previous possibility.
I also think that any thing done in love can’t be random. If we are seeing and hearing people with the heart of Christ and respond with the same heart, there isn’t anything random about it. Christ is carrying out His “ROAK” through us, both in those hit-and-run and well-planned acts.
Hope that made sense….