Sexuality & Identity, Pt. I

note: This blog entry is family-friendly! The text below is designed to be an aid to talk about the purposes of sex with your youth in order to help guide toward a healthy view of sexuality and healthy behaviors.

In response to some interesting conversations with friends recently, it came up that churches typically do a poor job of talking about the purpose of sex and sexuality in any positive way. While culture points to sexuality as the height of intimacy and fulfillment, the church has little better to say than, "yes, yes, we agree but just wait til you're married!" This answer becomes a bit difficult when we insist that those whose attractions are outside the norm cannot marry those they are actually drawn toward. So what is the purpose of sexuality, then? Rather than narrowly drawing assumptions from one or two passages, let's take a look at some themes in scripture - both positive and negative - that give us a picture of how sexuality and marriage fit into God's larger story.

What It's For

There are three key places we can go for positive examples of sexuality: (1) the Creation story, (2) prophetic/pastoral comparisons of God/Israel, Christ/Church, and husband/wife, and (3) Song of Songs. In the Garden of Eden, God makes man out of the dust and a woman out of the man's rib (Gen. 1:26-31, 2:18-24). The couple is given a charge to multiply and take care of the earth. Somehow, this link of being created from the same flesh to partner together is linked to the reason in which man leaves his parents to be united to his wife. In league with OT prophets, the apostle Paul compares Jesus and the Church to a husband and wife (Eph. 5:25-32). Paul argues that it is Christ's sacrificial love that cleanses his bride - the Church - and is united to her. This intimate love somehow cleanses, restores, and binds. Finally, we see that the writer of Song of Songs describes this relationship as full of joy and delight (SoS 1:1-4). From these passages, we can glean a four-fold purpose for sexuality:

• Consummation - seal of a promise or covenant
• Procreation - intimacy that creates
• Love - relationship that restores the soul and mirrors God's love for humanity
• Delight - experiencing joy with one another

The overwhelming witness of scripture seems to tell us that sexuality is about more than pleasure (what culture tells us) AND more than simply having babies (what Christianity has offered in the past). This also tells us that sexuality is about more than sex. It's about a desire for intimacy and belonging that expresses itself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

What It Ain't For

In addition to the positive examples of sexuality in the Bible, there are a LOT of negative examples. The biblical story is filled with people not getting it right and folks commenting on it. However, we sometimes rush to condemning certain behaviors without understanding the context for why it is condemned in scripture.

While there are many we could cite, let's look at three main negative examples of sexuality in scripture: (1) Sodom and Gomorrah, (2) Levitical law, and (3) "suppression of truth" in Romans 1. In the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, two angels destroy Sodom and Gomorrah after the men of the town attempt to violate them (Gen. 19:1-21). To say that the sin of Sodom was simply homosexual practice neglects the outcry of injustice that God is responding to (19:13). The sin of Sodom is clearly outlined later in scripture as arrogance, gluttony, and apathy toward the poor and needy (Ez. 16:49-50). Sexual perversion here has everything to do with injustice and greed. If we look at sexual ethics in Levitical law, we see that the laws are set within those that speak against idolatry and injustice (Lev. 18, 20). The motivation for entering into any of the practices mentioned seems to involve either worship to an idol or proving your dominance over another person. Paul speaks similarly in Romans when he says that God gave those who did not recognize Him over to their wicked desires (Rom. 1:18-32). Sexual impurity here is directly linked with idolatry and injustice. Paul says in these things there is "no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy" (1:31). From all this, we can understand that sexuality is NOT for: 

• Exploitation - taking advantage of the weak and vulnerable
• Idolatry - trusting in sex to solve problems/sooth anxiety rather than God
• Selfishness - seeking your own pleasure without regard to anyone or anything else

Sex is meant as a gift that represents and embodies the image of God within us that longs for intimacy, wholeness, belonging, compassion, honor, fidelity, and creativity. Sex is perverted when we make it about ourselves. Marriage is meant as a gift that allows us to experience the fulness of sexuality in committed, honoring, and covenantal relationship. Marriage is perverted when we make it ourselves and our own fulfillment. 

So what?

This at least gives us a lens to start thinking about how we can respond and live as Christ followers in a world that seems both obsessed with sex and largely clueless about its purpose. In later weeks, I hope to post some follow-up thoughts on what these things mean for our identity, the natural desires we have, and modern issues with sexuality. For now, I encourage you to delve in to scripture as well and explore what it means to view our sexuality in light of God's purpose in the world.

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