Thoughts on Grief
The end of this summer has been marked with grief for many of our students and families as two tragic auto accidents have resulted in the loss of life for three teenage girls from Ashland and the surrounding area. Our hearts and prayers go out to the families of Brooke Lewis, Cheyenne Spidel, and Christiana Ringler.
In the wake of these events, we spent some time during our YBF hour this week discussing the sting of grief. In this post, I'd like to recap a few main points from our discussion.
Love responds to grief with compassion
This may seem obvious. However, it is not always easy to identify with the way others are grieving since many have different levels of connection to those who have passed, and we may respond in all sorts of ways that we don't anticipate. Some may feel sad, and that's understandable. Some may feel angry, and that's ok too. Some may feel numb, and that's ok too. Some may feel grateful that their loved ones are no longer in pain and have gone on to be with God, and that's also ok. Throughout the scriptures we see many different responses to grief. Job cries out to God for answers. David weeps and refuses to eat when his child is dying, but then gets up to worship God when his child finally passes (2 Samuel 13). Jesus attempts to withdraw to a solitary place to mourn when his cousin, John the Baptist, is brutally beheaded by Herod, but he instead ends up having compassion on crowds that follow him and heals many (Matthew 14). Later, he weeps at the death of his friend Lazarus even though he's fully aware that he is about to raise him from the dead (John 11)!
Grief causes us to respond with all sorts of different emotions. What's not productive is when we expect others to conform to our feelings. Sometimes we may be tempted to judge others who seem to be flippant about the loss when in reality they are feeling numb or attempting to cope by being strong for others. Sometimes we're tempted to judge others for responding so dramatically when in reality they are simply experiencing the pain differently than we are. Love is the stabilizing force that helps bind us together and enables us to bear each others burdens even when we do not understand one another. For any who know folks experiencing loss, may God give us enlarged hearts, a patient spirit, and the gift of seeing each other through His eyes.
Joy and Hope go where Happiness and Optimism cannot
Tragedy and loss remind us that we live in a broken world. In a country and culture that prizes the "pursuit of happiness" as one of our most fundamental rights and highest goals, it becomes very hard not to question God when it feels like the rug is being torn out from under us. Sometimes we are tempted to cover our pain and questions with cliches ("God just needed another angel," or "God works in mysterious ways"). It becomes a way to fit our painful experience into God's plan. Pain and suffering have never been a part of God's plan, however, but rather a result of the fall. The joy and hope of the Gospel is that God is already at work, even in the midst of our current pain, preparing for the day when He will make all things new.
For that reason, this joy and hope are capable of going where happiness and optimism cannot. The latter are contingent upon our circumstances, the former upon God's promises. Because of Christ, the sting of death is abolished for the dying, but the ache of loneliness remains for those they leave behind. We long for the day when all things will be restored, and there will be no more death, nor sadness, nor weeping. And to our joy, we do not hope in vain. For all those mourning the loss of loved ones, may God give us a resilient joy, a robust hope, and the gift of a loving friend.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."--Matthew 5:4
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